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Meltdowns

Many autistic and ADHD people will experience a meltdown at some point in their life. For children who are still learning regulating strategies, meltdowns may be more common.

So, what is a meltdown?

Contrary to some beliefs a meltdown isn’t just a tantrum or a way to seek attention. It is an uncontrollable response to being overwhelmed or overstimulated. It is not a choice made by the child to misbehave or upset you. A meltdown could look different for different people, including shouting, hitting or throwing items. It is important to remember this is out of the child’s control, it is not personal or intentional, and they need your support.

What can trigger a meltdown?

Triggers can be different for different children. For some children one thing can trigger a meltdown. Other children find they can regulate up to a certain point, but things build over time leading to a meltdown.

Some common triggers include but are not limited to:

  • Sensory overload-too bright or loud environments, uncomfortable clothing, or unwanted physical contact.
  • Disruptions in routine-both unexpected and planned, and difficult transitions.
  • Communication difficulties- not being able to express themselves or understand others, and miscommunication.
  • Emotional regulation difficulties- not understanding how they feel, high anxiety and intense feelings.
  • Physical discomfort- tiredness, pain, hunger, or temperature extremes.
  • Social overwhelm- navigating crowds, masking or social exhaustion.
  • Task-related triggers- finding something difficult, reaction to demands or change in expectations.

Common signs in the lead up to a meltdown?

The first signs of meltdown are referred to as the rumbling stage. Some signs your child may be rumbling are:

  • Fidgeting and stimming more
  • Having unusual tension in their body
  • Seeming anxious
  • Repeating themselves to seek reassurance
  • Pacing or being unable to sit still
  • Rocking
  • Becoming very still
  • Using negative language
  • Increased or decreased communication
  • Shutting down
  • Outbursts
  • Increased rigidity in their routines
  • Covering ears or scrunching eyes shut

When your child is rumbling, there is a chance you can support them before a meltdown happens. If you spot these signs in your child, it can be a good time to check in with them and offer support. This could look like offering different choices, creating a calm and quiet space with their preferred items, or redirecting them. If your child is in the rumble stage, it is important to reduce and if you can remove anything that is triggering to your child. You could try some self-regulation techniques like using fiddle toys or doing some dep breathing. Check out this deep breathing guides for younger and older children:

 

What to do when your child has a meltdown?

When your child is having a meltdown, your focus should be on supporting them and helping them to deescalate. This is a very personal thing and looks different for everybody. Whilst some children want a hug and deep pressure, others need space and quiet.  Maintain a non-judgemental and open attitude, they are struggling right now and need you to be a safe person to be around. Ensure their privacy from other people and remove triggers where you can. They may need support to make their environment safe and comfortable for them.

 

Once they are calm and feeling up to talking, they may want a debrief with you. Experiencing a meltdown with someone can be distressing and cause emotions to come up for you. It is important to address your own feelings but do this separately as your child may feel guilty or uncomfortable hearing how you felt.

Long term strategies

When your child isn’t rumbling or having an active meltdown, it can be helpful to talk with them about their triggers and how to avoid them, self-regulation and what they need from you when they are having a meltdown. You could offer options and write it down to help them. Make plans with them for novel events and activities to help prepare them and make a meltdown less likely.

De-escalation strategies

Here are some ideas you could explore with your child; they may help avoid or de-escalate a meltdown in the future.

Avoiding

  • Body check ins
  • Scheduling regular quiet time
  • Learning to listen to physical and mental cues. i.e. needing the toilet or more stimulation
  • Preparing for changes in routine
  • Using social stories and comic strips
  • Implementing a sensory diet
  • Finding alternative communication methods

De-escalation during crisis

  • Give them space
  • Use calm neutral communication
  • Validate their feelings
  • Offer favoured sensory activities
  • Remove triggers if possible
  • Switching to non-verbal forms of communication
  • Try weighted blankets or other forms of deep pressure
  • Support them to follow deep breathing exercises
  • Offer redirection

 

Not all these strategies will help your individual child. Talk to your child about what they think they may prefer.

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